Marriage counseling is easy to ignore until you need it. Who hasn’t rolled their eyes at such hackneyed aphorisms as “Say sorry even if you don’t mean it” or “Don’t go to bed angry”? These phrases tend to pop out of people’s mouths at weddings and anniversaries, but are rarely helpful. True, lived advice for a long, happy marriage isn’t neat, because neither are relationships.
So what is honest, authentic marriage advice from couples who have come the long haul? We recently asked 25 people who have been married for over 25 years what makes their relationship work. Clichés didn’t matter. Instead, their answers reflected a simple truth: Long-term relationships are both easy and difficult, but made better by honesty, fun, and a shared sense of oneness. Find your partner with the help of Best Marriage Bureau and instruction of Parents.
1. Imagine life without your partner
“My wife and I talk about it all the time. We imagine what our toughest days would be like without each other. To be honest, we always agree that we would make it. Realistically, we’re both independent and strong enough that we’d be fine. But it would be terrible. Here’s the bottom line: Life would be possible without each other, but it wouldn’t be nearly as fun, special, or full of great moments. It’s not uncommon for us to ask each other, “Can you imagine if I weren’t here?” The answer is usually some variation of “yes.” It would suck. I’m glad you are.’” – Jerry, 56, Maryland (married 30 years). Marriage Bureau Lahore helps you to find best relationship.
2. Crack jokes
“We got married when we were both almost 40 and our sense of humor has become more youthful every year. Maybe it’s just us, but I don’t think so. We laugh at loud noises. We roll our eyes at each other’s terrible jokes. We love racy films. It’s just that primitive, human sense of humor we both have. So many couples seem to lose that the longer they stay married. There’s this weird pressure to become more civilized or dignified as you get older. We apparently never got that memo. And when it’s just the two of us, we usually break out. We’ve stayed in love for so long because we’re too busy laughing to fight.” —David, 68, Michigan (married 30 years).
3. Don’t be so damn stubborn
“Don’t insist on always having the last word. It’s never worth it. What you think of as a basic rationale might actually just be a personal preference not worth spitting on or holding a grudge about. Be open to this possibility. Even if you prevail, it will take a toll. And if you agree on something, stick to the joint decision. Even the loss of trust is not worth asserting yourself. We have learned to be accountable and take responsibility for our decisions and actions, and we always try to avoid criticism or guilt. It never helps. Instead, we try to have constructive conversations about specific behaviors that might be troubling, and we’re willing to listen to each other’s concerns — even if they seem trivial.” — Claude, 68 (married 33 years)
4. Choose your own adventure
“My marriage has never been easy, but it has always been an adventure. Best advice I can give – getting married is like going to an amusement park. Know who you are and what ride you want to take. If you want to ride the carousel (stability and composure), marry that. If you want to ride the roller coaster (risk and adventure), don’t marry someone who is afraid of speed and fear of heights. The key is to know yourself and what you want before committing to a relationship. Then, when you find your mate, conduct your marriage like good company. Identify each person’s strengths and weaknesses and delegate those responsibilities accordingly.” — Kathleen, 57, Nebraska (married 31 years)
5. You will not always be on the same page
“And that’s okay. Patience and communication are key to any successful relationship, but especially a long-term one. It’s important to remember that you don’t always agree on everything. There will be times when you need to listen more than you speak, and times when you need to communicate openly and honestly. You can do this by making time for each other, even when life gets hectic. Whether you go for a walk after dinner.